


You ain't no lover but you ain't no dancer

by victoria_p (musesfool)



Category: Batman: The Animated Series, DCU Animated, Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Crossover, F/M, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-30
Updated: 2011-03-30
Packaged: 2017-10-17 09:44:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/175501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musesfool/pseuds/victoria_p
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pepper's got a soft spot for scoundrels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You ain't no lover but you ain't no dancer

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the Beatles. Thanks to Snacky and angelgazing for all their help.

"I'm not going." Tony tosses the invitation with its handwritten note onto her desk and crosses his arms over his chest. "It's going to be boring."

Pepper bites the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing, because he looks like a pouting kindergartner. It'd be irritating if it weren't so cute. She counts to five and says, "Okay. I'll just have accounts payable cut a check."

"It's not going to work, you know."

"I think they'll cut a check if I make the request." She smiles. "I _am_ the CEO of Stark Industries, after all."

"I mean this attempt at reverse psychology," Tony flutters a dismissive hand, "where you act like it's okay that I don't want to go to Gotham and somehow that makes me think I should go."

"Oh?" Pepper tries to look innocent and is pretty sure she succeeds. She's had a lot of practice. Not that it'll fool Tony.

"Or something. I'm sure you've got some fiendish plan, but I'm too smart for you."

"Yes, Tony, we all know you're smarter than the average bear." She can't keep the amusement out of her voice, and he opens his mouth in mock outrage, but she keeps talking. "Certainly smart enough to stay out of Batman's city, especially after the last time."

"You think I'm not going because I'm afraid of that psychotic blowhard in a bat suit?" There's some real outrage mixed in with the fake now. It's possible Tony dislikes Batman as much as Batman dislikes him.

"Of course not." She smiles. "I think you're not going because Commissioner Gordon probably still wants to shoot you after your attempted seduction of his daughter the last time you were there."

He preens a little. "I can't help it. Geek girls like me."

Pepper finally laughs. "If you say so."

"We should send her some flowers. And maybe some cigars for the Commissioner."

"Oh?"

"So he doesn't shoot me on sight when I show up at this stupid gala."

"It's a very worthy cause."

"And he's the guest of honor."

"Yes."

Tony grunts and picks up the invitation again. "You think the daughter'll be there?"

"Probably." Pepper plucks the invitation out of his hand, drops it back onto her desk, and guides his hands to her waist. She gives him a quick, closed-mouth kiss.

"You're not worried I'll slide back into my womanizing ways? You know how much I like redheads."

"Maybe she'll take you off my hands," Pepper says, sliding her hands up his chest and then twining her fingers around the back of his neck. He leans in and kisses her again, this time with a little bit of tongue.

"You don't sound worried."

Pepper smiles, remembering the woman's amused and incredulous look when she'd realized Tony was hitting on her. "I know how much trouble you are. She'd have to be crazy to get involved with you." She perches on the edge of the desk and Tony settles between her legs. The brush of his beard against her cheek still makes her shiver.

"She _is_ from Gotham."

Pepper laughs into his mouth and concedes the point.

*

"I told you we should have taken a helicopter," Tony says as he pours himself a glass of scotch at the bar in their suite at the Gotham Grand. He's always cranky after having to sit in traffic.

"And I told you Iron Man wasn't welcome in Gotham."

Pepper shivers, and then forces herself to stop. "I'm the one who insisted on coming," she says, turning to see Batman looming by the open door to the balcony. They're forty-six stories up. The drapes flare dramatically around him.

Tony glares at her. "I'm perfectly capable of defending myself."

Batman's mouth twitches briefly. She thinks maybe that's as close as he comes to smiling. "Ms. Potts," he says, inclining his head the tiniest bit towards her. She notices that the ears on his cowl are really pointy. She wonders if they feel as sharp as they look.

She holds out a hand. Tony looks at her like she's crazy. Batman's too hard for her to read, what little she can see of his face a perfect blank and his eyes covered by lenses, but maybe she's surprised him. The thought pleases her. He doesn't take her hand, and she lowers it, smoothing down her skirt and pretending it's not because her palms are sweaty.

"Bruce Wayne personally invited us," she says.

Batman huffs disdainfully. Apparently, he has the same low opinion of Bruce that Tony does. Well, Tony dislikes him because for a long time, Bruce was his only real competition for starlets and supermodels (especially once Lex Luthor became more interested in playing the stock market and making Superman crazy), and Tony's always been one to nurse a petty grudge. She doesn't know what Batman's problem with Bruce is.

"You could have just written a check."

Pepper would swear there's amusement in his voice, but that seems unlikely. She's probably just hearing what she wants to hear.

"That's what I said," Tony says, glaring at her again, "but Pepper has a soft spot for old Brucie." He turns the nickname into a sneer.

"Tony." Her voice is low and sharp enough to cut. Tony scowls and takes a long sip of his drink. Pepper turns back to Batman, but he's gone, the drapes fluttering in his wake.

"I told you this was a bad idea," Tony says.

"No, you told me it would be boring." She hugs herself to ward off the chill seeping into the room from the open balcony door. "That was not boring."

"You don't have to be pedantic about it."

She doesn't dignify that with a response. She has a black tie gala to get ready for.

*

Tony deposits his empty champagne glass on a tray and snags another one. "On the one hand, Gordon hasn't tried to shoot me yet." He drains half the new glass in one long sip, and says, "On the other, maybe if he did, it would liven this party up a bit."

Pepper laughs. "I'm fairly certain Commissioner Gordon is not going to threaten to shoot you again. Even if he wanted to, Alfred would never let that happen."

Tony grunts. He'd never say it, but she thinks he modeled Jarvis's personality on Alfred's. It would explain a lot. "Is the daughter here? Did we send her flowers?"

"Her name is Barbara, and we sent her a lovely bouquet of cymbidium orchids. She's over by the carving station with an amazingly handsome man."

"Amazingly handsome, huh?" Tony makes no effort to be discreet; he cranes his head around to look.

"Tony!"

"Don't whisper-shout at me, Pepper. It's not like anyone expects polite behavior from me."

"I thought you hated being predictable."

"I do. But I hate being bored more." He finishes off his champagne. "You're right, though. He is ridiculously good-looking. I think it's that circus kid Bruce took in a few years back." He gets this speculative look on his face that usually means trouble. "I wonder if he's a contortionist." He hands Pepper his empty glass. "I'll be right back."

Pepper sighs and takes a sip of her own drink.

*

"Ms. Potts, how delightful to see you."

"Hello, Alfred." She'd hug him if he would allow it, but settles for squeezing his hand. She's also given up on trying to get him to call her Pepper. His insistence on propriety is one of the things she likes about him. When she was younger, and had first started accompanying Tony to these sorts of events, she'd found it quite comforting. "How are you?"

"I'm well, thank you. And you? Mr. Stark is treating you well?"

"Yes, thank you," she answers, sure that the grin on her face is embarrassingly wide and goopy.

"Excellent." He pats her hand.

She gives him a conspiratorial grin and leans in like she's going to tell him a secret. "Though I'd leave him in a heartbeat if you asked me to run away with you."

Alfred laughs, and she can see a hint of color rise in his cheeks. "If only I were twenty years younger."

They watch the crowd of partygoers flow around them for a few minutes in companionable silence, and then Alfred says, "Is there something you need?"

"No, I just wanted to say hello, and ask if you needed any help. I know how much work goes into these events."

"I believe I have everything well in hand."

"I never doubted it," she says.

"Please let me know if there's anything you need."

"I will. It's a lovely party." She means it. The room is beautiful, the food is delicious, and the music is lovely. She forces herself to ignore the security cameras in every corner, a reminder that Gotham is dangerous beneath its fancy veneer.

"Thank you," says Bruce Wayne, who is suddenly standing at her elbow.

"Sir, how many times have I told you not to startle the guests?"

"Sorry." Bruce shrugs and smiles sheepishly. Pepper can't help but be a little charmed, even though she can see through his antics almost as easily as she can Tony's. They're not all that different, or they didn't used to be.

Alfred gives them a nod and then heads towards one of the bars, where Rod Rasmussen, one of the less pleasant members of Gotham high society, is backing a waitress into a corner.

"It's lovely to see you," Bruce says. "Would you like to get some air? It's kind of stuffy in here." He gestures towards the balcony and she hesitates, because what would have been unacceptable for Pepper Potts, executive assistant, is probably okay for Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries.

When she'd first become Tony's assistant, rumors had swirled around her; she'd been young and attractive, and Tony was already a staple in gossip columns around the world, his conquests legendary. At one of these events, Rasmussen, a man for whom the term randy old goat might have been invented, had cornered her in the library. Before he'd had a chance to do more than insinuate things she'd prefer even now not to think too much about, Bruce had appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, and whisked her back to the main reception area, and then disappeared before he could inadvertently cause the damage to her reputation that he'd just saved her from.

She's never told Tony about that, and doesn't think he'd believe her if she did, but since then, she's had a soft spot for Bruce, despite his less than sterling reputation. It annoys Tony to no end. She sees him talking animatedly to Barbara Gordon and her companion, and thinks maybe she's just got a soft spot for scoundrels.

She smiles. "That'd be nice."

"Lucius tells me you've done wonderful things since taking over as CEO," he says, guiding her through the crowd with a light hand on her lower back. His fingers are warm through the thin silk of her gown. In her heels, she's as tall as he is, and his mouth is closer to her ear than she expected. She shivers.

"Thank you. I've tried. With Tony otherwise occupied--"

Bruce laughs and shakes his head. "Tony, a superhero. Who would have ever expected that?"

"He does like being unpredictable," she replies. "It's been good for him, though."

Whatever Bruce's response to that would have been is lost as the glass doors leading to the balcony shatter in and a group of men wearing black ski masks and carrying machine guns bursts into the ballroom.

Bruce shoves her down, shielding her with his body, and when she looks up, she's stunned by the cold anger she sees on his face, and the blood trickling down his chin from where the corner of his mouth has been cut by a flying shard of glass.

The anger is gone almost before it registers, panic slipping down like a mask over his features. "I can't--" he says, voice shaking. He clutches her wrist tightly and then lets go. Unlike his voice, his hand doesn't tremble. "I have to--"

"It's going to be okay, Bruce," she says, trying to keep her voice calm and steady. How sad is it that she's been through enough of these situations now that she's the calm one?

"Oh, hey, look what we got here. Iron Man himself." Pepper gasps and turns to see one of the masked men is pointing a machine gun at Tony's head. "Nuh-uh, buddy, you're not going anywhere," he says, slamming the butt of his gun into Tony's temple. Tony goes down like a sack of potatoes. The crook laughs. "More like Glass Jaw Man."

Pepper says, "Bruce?" but Bruce is gone. She'd always known he was a womanizer and a flake, but she'd never thought he was a coward.

"It will be all right, Ms. Potts," Alfred says. She reaches out and grabs his hand while the masked men shout at them to get down on the floor. Alfred's mouth is tight and his nostrils are flared. He looks angry rather than frightened, and she remembers Tony mentioning that he had military experience in his past. He certainly seems to be handling the situation better than his employer.

"Cell phones out," one of the robbers is saying as he circulates amongst the guests. "Put them all into the bag."

Pepper fumbles with the catch on her sparkly clutch, but then her Blackberry is in her hand and she's hitting the panic button that will summon Agent Coulson and whoever else SHIELD decides to send. She knows there's been some friction--Batman doesn't want SHIELD in his city and Agent Coulson doesn't want to antagonize Batman--but Batman isn't here and she is.

She smiles in what she hopes is a reassuring way at Alfred as she drops her Blackberry into the sack when it gapes open in front of her. Another robber follows, unhooking people's jewelry and stealing their wallets.

Pepper hears a soft whoosh like wind in the curtains, and then the room is swallowed in smoke. She can hear sounds of fighting--the impact of a fist on a body, the pained grunts of whoever's getting hit, the muttered curses and scared shrieks of the party guests as they try to get out of the way of a fight they can't even see. She clings to Alfred's hand and gets to her knees.

"Stay low," she says, remembering endless fire drills in school and again every three months at Stark Industries.

Alfred murmurs in agreement, and crouching, they make their way to the edge of the room, away from the loudest sounds of the fighting. Pepper keeps her eyes closed as much as possible, and tries to take small shallow breaths, but her eyes and lungs are itching and burning by the time the smoke dissipates, curling up towards the vaulted ceiling.

She blinks away tears and squints. Batman is nearby, tying up one of the robbers. He glances over at her and she can see a smear of blood on the corner of his mouth. There doesn't appear to be another mark on him, though she knows, probably better than anyone else, how much damage the suit he's wearing can hide. Batman dips his head in acknowledgement and she smiles, giddy with relief. Alfred relaxes, his shoulder brushing against hers as the tension eases away. She turns to grin at him and finds an answering smile on his face.

"Quite an adventure," he says.

"You always do throw the most exciting parties," she answers.

When she turns back to the center of the room, Batman is gone, but Agent Coulson and his minions have arrived.

Coulson makes his way to her. "Ms. Potts?"

"I'm fine, Agent Coulson, but Tony's going to need medical attention."

"What happened here?"

"Robbers." Pepper shrugs. "Batman."

She feels a light touch on her elbow and Bruce Wayne is standing beside her, looking frazzled and sheepish. "He does have a way of happening, doesn't he?"

Agent Coulson narrows his eyes. "Indeed he does, Mr. Wayne." He gestures towards the band of tied up thieves. "We'll get these guys out of your hair, if that's all right with you." There's something in the dry way he says it that Pepper can't put her finger on.

"That'd be great," Bruce says, and there's a false heartiness in _his_ tone that causes Pepper to glance at him sharply. She can see the blood on his chin where he got cut earlier, and she reaches over and rubs at it with her thumb before she can think better of it. His hand comes up and grabs her wrist, his fingers warm against her skin. He looks as surprised as she feels. "Pepper," he says, and now his voice is low and more serious than she's ever heard him.

She feels flushed and confused, but forces herself to smile again. "Bruce, I'm glad you're all right. I was worried. But I have to go look after Tony."

"Of course." But it's still a moment or two before he lets go of her wrist, and the heat from his hand lingers on her skin.

She finds Tony with his head in a debutante's lap, making the EMTs laugh. "Can we go home now?" he says, and she can hear real plaintiveness beneath his playful tone.

"At least it wasn't boring," she answers, and he laughs.

*

With Jarvis at her disposal, it's not hard to track down a copy of the security video from the event. He doesn't question why she wants it, which is good, because she's not sure she has an answer. She just can't stop thinking about the way Bruce disappeared when the robbers showed up. The way the cut on Batman's face was the same as the one on Bruce's. Maybe she just doesn't want to believe he's the coward he appears to be. She knows it's ridiculous. What are the odds of two billionaire playboys being superheroes? But she locks the door to her office and calls the video up on her monitor and watches it over and over.

She leans in as close to the monitor as she can. The images are grainy and gray. One second, Bruce is beside her, and the next, he's gone. He's a dark gray blur in the middle of a lot of other dark gray blurs, and she loses him the first few times she watches.

"You'd think the quality of these files would be better," she mutters. "Digital technology, my ass."

"I apologize," Jarvis says, and the image sharpens noticeably. It's still grainy and gray, but the blurs look more like people.

She watches it again, the same eleven minute stretch between the robbers bursting in and Batman arriving.

"Jarvis, stop. Replay from 20:06, frame by frame."

This time, she sees Bruce slip out the balcony doors during the confusion, and then, just as the smoke bomb goes off, she sees Batman enter the ballroom the same way.

She leans in even closer, nose practically against the screen. She can't see if he's got the injury already. "Can you magnify it at all?"

"I'm afraid not," Jarvis says.

"Please play it again."

"I'm afraid I can't do that," Jarvis says, and the screen goes blank. "The file has been retrieved and the source has been erased."

"Retrieved?"

"I borrowed it." She knows it's not actually possible for Jarvis to feel sheepish or embarrassed, but he certainly sounds it.

"From whom?"

"I'm afraid I can't say."

"Don't worry, Jarvis. I don't think Tony's going to let SHIELD take you offline again."

"No," Jarvis says, and he sounds a little concerned, which means she should probably be very concerned. "It wasn't SHIELD."

That's as much confirmation as she's going to get, then. She doesn't think Bruce will ever step up to a podium and announce that he's Batman. But the next time they meet, she'll have to pay closer attention. He still owes her a chat on the balcony.

end

~*~


End file.
